Waiting For Distance And Buying Some Time
by Piper Quinn
Summary: Takes place after the episode 'Dirty Girls'. Buffy and Caleb reflect on themselves, each other and the day's occurences.


Disclaimer: I do not own any characters mentioned. All credit goes to Joss Whedon and the many creators of 'Buffy The Vampire Slayer'. I bow down to you.  
  
Waiting For Distance And Buying Some Time.  
  
Buffy:  
  
Failure. Non-occurrence. Unsuccessful person or thing.  
  
Sometimes it's too much.  
  
Sometimes reality grips me so severely that I cannot catch my breath.  
  
Failure.  
  
It pulsates through my veins. Again, again. Constant. Relentless.  
  
The truth hurts, it always has. Lies are my safety net, denial is my friend. Sometimes friends are abandoned.  
  
Sacrifice is nothing new to me, I have made more than most, but this is disparate.  
  
Trust was put into me. Willing or not, it was there. My own, theirs.  
  
I failed them, though I cannot say it aloud.  
  
I walked into that cellar with an aura of confidence and courage, and staggered out with a darkness in my heart which will never cease.  
  
The Preacher.  
  
I was so convinced that his certitude was not real. How could it be?  
  
It was only after I had been thrown across the room that my miscalculation hit me like a bullet to the chest. Failure.  
  
He was vindictive. Emphatic in every sense of the word.  
  
His words will haunt me. Dirty girls. He will be the cause of many sleepless nights.  
  
The worst thing was that he saw right through me. He knew. He dismissed me as though I was nothing. And at that moment, nothing was exactly what I was.  
  
My mind reeled, and still does. I watched in all helplessness as he brought down his wrathful hand. Down on me, on Faith, Kennedy, Molly. On Xander.  
  
Xander. I wonder if he regrets his words of affiliation towards me. I wonder if he hates me. Perhaps they all hate me. It doesn't matter, I hate myself.  
  
This is not the end. The beginning of the end, maybe.  
  
Today the faith I had in myself was taken, I am forever changed,  
  
I have no control. I have nothing. But the show must go on.  
  
Caleb will come for us, for we are the dirty girls. I will not be ready, I will not be auspicious.  
  
Right now all I can do is sit here, in this white room. So I do. I sit and watch my broken comrades as my dark thoughts to devour me.  
  
~*~**********~*~  
  
Caleb:  
  
Never was nobody's daddy.  
  
Probably was a good thing. Don't know if I could have held my convicting hand if my daughter had come home lookin' like a whore. Or if my son had come home with one of them girls on his arm.  
  
I do like to here them scream though. Music, music. Repent and be saved. Hold still now. Hallelujah.  
  
It's true that my hand was guided by the good Lord, but that don't mean I can't enjoy my work. Mamma always did teach me to take pride in what I do.  
  
They say I'm a sinner, a mercenary of Satan. I hear them. Some say it without speaking, but I hear them.  
  
Don't they know that they got it backwards? Would a mercenary of Satan, spilled the blood of those whores? A man of Satan would have revelled in their attentions, grabbed them, taken them right then and there against the wall. A mercenary of Satan would not have rid the world of those suggestive little bitches.  
  
I still remember the way they'd come to me back at the church. Their skirts too high and their shirts too low. Masks of innocence. Trying to tempt me. A brush of their hands, flick of their hair. Enough to make a God fearin' man sick. They just didn't understand that they ain't got nothin' to offer me.  
  
Slayer.  
  
I know it's alot for her to understand.  
  
That's why I had to take them two girls. It was an unselfish act on my behalf, they didn't even make a sound. Shame, I'm a vociferous-lovin' man.  
  
The boy's eye though, now that was just for me. He did scream. Screamed real good.  
  
She had to understand. This lil' world of her's is no longer her's to be had. I have come to exorcise the demons and I will not be hindered. My purpose is greater and righteousness is behind me. Some may argue with my path, but they just need to understand that the Lord, does indeed, work in mysterious ways.  
  
I may not have marked her body tonight, but I know I have marked her mind. She will not forget, she will not move on. But ain't that just like a woman?  
  
I no longer need the Lord to guide my hand, I have found someone preferential. I am a man with structure, yet no rules. I have power, yet know my purpose is to serve. And serve I will.  
  
Scream for me dirty girls, scream. For I am coming for you. 


End file.
